Fatherhood

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families." (The Family Proclamation)

Much attention seems to be focused on Motherhood and the important role mothers play in their children's lives.  This, of course, is a most worthy and important topic that should be considered and explored in great detail.  However, it seems that the emphasis on motherhood sometimes makes us underestimate the importance of fatherhood and the very specific roles fathers play in the emotional, spiritual and physical well-being of their children. Elder L. Tom Perry said, Satan, in his carefully devised plan to destroy the family, seeks to diminish the role of fathers. Increased youth violence, youth crime, greater poverty and economic insecurity, and the failure of increasing numbers of children in our schools offer clear evidence of lack of a positive influence of fathers in the homes. ⁵ A family needs a father to anchor it...It appears to me that the crosshairs of Satan’s scope are centered on husbands and fathers. Today’s media, for example, have been relentless in their attacks—ridiculing and demeaning husbands and fathers in their God-given roles." Father's are under attack and I believe it is because Satan understands how critical it is for children to have the influence of their fathers in their lives.  We have discussed in class how the organization and family structure have changed over the course of several decades.  It was much more common for father's to be at home and working alongside their children before the industrialization of our country/world.  It is interesting to see the changes and impact that has had on our society.  Interaction between father's and their children has significantly diminished and it requires much more effort to establish a close trusting relationship with our children now than ever before in the history of this world.  After studying a bit about the affects of father absence it was amazing to see the impact fathers really can and do have on their children.
I had the privilege of studying a dissertation written by Chrysogonus Nwele of M.A. Fordham University entitled  "Fatherhood and a child's education: Exploring the effects of a father's absence on the social, moral, and religious lives of children."
Nwele researched five different roles fathers have particular in importance to a child's development.  The first one is "Father's availability"  I found it interesting that availability was defined as more than just living in the home and being there.  Availability referred to being available to help children with personal problems, learning new things and associating himself with the child's growth and maturity.  Nwele suggests that its not enough for a father to have passive presence in the home where he avoids confrontation, disagreements or interaction with his wife and children.  Children will likely feel "more rejected by a father who is there in body but absent in things a father should do."  The research further suggests that children who are well fathered from birth appeared to be more secure in exploring the world around them, and less timid in the face of unusual stimuli.  They are also more likely to have good cognitive development and achieve greater success in school and extracurricular activities.
The second role is "Father's engagement".  This is similar to availability but this includes a father's attitude and actual time he spends with his child which is measured by how much direct contact and interaction he has with his child through "play, leisure, caregiving and direct communication". Nwele also points out that the amount of direct eye contact a father has with his children is important to consider.  The closeness children feel with their father is a far greater indicator of "positive life outcomes" for the children than just the father's presence in the home.
The third role is "the provider."  This is an important role in a child's life and can have a large negative or positive impact on a child's socio-economic well-being.  Nwele states, "in most cases, children suffer material hardships and even severe poverty if their fathers are exonerated from child support or fail to pay child support after a divorce."  A child's physical and emotional needs can better be met by a father who takes his responsibility as a provider seriously.
The fourth role of a father is "nurturer."  Research suggests that fathers should have an active role as a nurturer in their child's life.  He defines paternal nurturance as a "father's ability to know his child, interact with his child and serves as the child's role model, disciplinarian, protector, enforcer and educator." He also explains that if a father is overly authoritarian then he creates a wall between himself and his child and is therefore "absent" in the child's life.
The final role that is discussed in the father as "guardian, protector and teacher."  One of the essential roles a father has is that of protector.  Sigmond Freud said this, "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection."  Nwele discussed the critical role a father plays in protecting his wife and children against physical and emotional harm from themselves and others.  A father's presence in the home creates security.  A father who accomplishes his role as protector and educator "empowers his children to choose rightly, helps them to appreciate the dignity of labor and the right attitude towards it, assists them in connecting effort with reward, standard with achievement and in finding joy through perserverance."  In homes where problem solving skills are taught and emphasized children become "life-long learners and self-confident adults."

FHE Ideas:
Song:  "Daddy's Homcoming"
Read or watch one of the conference talks below with your family and discuss the important points made about fatherhood.  Discuss with your children why our Heavenly Father desires us to address Him as "Father" of all the title he could have chosen and how we can better respect and value the sacred and important role of fathers in each of our lives.
The Greatest Challenge in the World - Good Parenting (James E. Faust)

Courageous Parenting (Larry R. Lawrence of the Seventy)