FAML 300- Week #5 - Answer to Marital Difficulty

What is the answer to difficulties in marriage?

Has anyone ever struggled in their marriage?  Anyone wondered how in the heck you are supposed to live with this person who is so different from you in almost every way for the rest of eternity?  How can we bridge this gap and how can we truly understand each other?  Is it possible to really connect with him/her on a deeper level?  If you have ever asked these questions or a thousand others like it, you're not alone.  I have asked myself these same questions.  After 17 years of marriage I am still wondering why we haven't got it all figured out.  Why is marriage such hard work all the time?

John M. Gottman, Ph.D. has conducted over 40 years of research on married couples and the dynamics of marriage.  In his book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work which I will be referencing in future posts, he shares that one of his central findings and at the heart of the Seven Principles is that happy marriages are based on deep friendship.  By this, he means "mutual respect for each other and enjoyment of each other's company." (p.21)  Gottman explains that as a marriage therapist he thought for many years that the answer to saving marriages was better communication and helping couples to learn to handle their conflicts better.  Most marriage counseling focuses on these very things.  While these are helpful tools to learn, he realized that the real answers to saving marriages was something different.  He says, "I was not able to crack the code to saving marriages until I started to analyze what went right in happy marriages.  After tracking the lives of happily married couples I now know that the key to reviving or divorce proofing a relationship is not simply how you handle your disagreements but how you engage with each other when you're not fighting." (p.51)  The basis of his Seven Principles focuses on strengthening the friendship and trust that are at the heart of any marriage.

As I thought about Gottman's approach of focusing more on helping things go right in a marriage rather than focusing on how to handle the things that are wrong, it made me think about the other book that I am studying written by William Goddard entitled "Drawing Heaven into your Marriage."  The main point that Goddard makes in his first two chapters is that the answers to all the questions above and the answer to solve any marital difficulties is the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  This is the way we can help things go right in our relationships.  "Because of His goodness, we are reconciled to God.  When we are reconciled to God, we are reconciled to each other.  His goodness makes us one." (Goddard loc 221)  Goddard goes on to say that most marriage programs or therapies focus on developing a set of skills to help partners work out their differences and the assumption is that every marriage has problems and in order for the relationship to function well they have to be able to work out problems in non-destructive ways.  However, Goddard says, "My assumption is very different.  I believe that the key to a healthy relationship is being a healthy, saintly, God-seeking person - to be born again - to be a new creature in Christ." (loc 171).  Pres. Packer confirmed this answer when he said "if you seek for a cure that ignores faith and religious doctrine, you look for a cure where it never will be found."  Seeking to change our very nature and to be "born again" is the answer for those of us seeking to change our marriages.  It really doesn't come as a surprise to me that Jesus Christ is the answer to all the questions we have about our marriage relationships.  I always thought I had to get better at communicating, I had to learn how to speak his "love language" or I needed him to be the one to change, etc. but I was looking for answers in the wrong place.  Now please understand, I am not suggesting that receiving help and guidance and new knowledge from good books and wise counselors is not helpful because if it is good and true information then it will always be beneficial.  But we so often blame our spouse or ourselves for our lack of fulfillment in our marriage but the real answer isn't improving ourselves...at least not in the way we think we should.  The answer is coming closer to Christ.  The answer is in applying His atonement in such a way that it not only covers our weaknesses, our sins, our suffering but understanding that it fully covers the weaknesses, sins and suffering of our spouse as well.

Marriage is a unique opportunity for us to come to know Him in such a way that no other earthly experience can provide.  Goddard said this, "did God design marriage as a refuge - a safe haven - from a troubled world? Or did He design marriage as a laboratory where each of us could conduct daily experiments in gospel living? Or did he design marriage as a spiritual challenge course to humble us, stretch us, and refine us?  Yes to all of the above.  For most people marriage is sometimes a refuge from the storm.  At other times marriage is the storm where cold squalls and pitching decks test our balance and determination as we seek a promised land of marital harmony." (loc 197)  The key to this statement from Goddard is that we have to seek to truly understand God's purpose for marriage because if we truly understand the purpose for each of us, then we are better able to see the blessings of marriage and less likely to focus on the disappointments and "persecutions."  

FAML 300 Week # 4 - Contract vs. Covenant Marriage

What is the difference between a covenant and a contract marriage?

Most of the world views marriage as a contract.  Contracts are easily broken and are entered into with the purpose of fulfilling the needs of the individuals.  If those are not met one or both parties feel they are justified in ending the contract.  We see the rise in divorce rates as evidence of this “contract” commitment in the world today.   When we are married in the temple and enter into a covenant marriage we see marriage as something much more than a contract.   Elder Bruce C. Hafen in his “Covenant Marriage” address (click here to read)  taught that “when troubles come to a covenant marriage the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.”   As we have been taught by Elder Bednar, (click  the adversary has specific intentions to destroy marriages and families.  He attacks the parts of the Father’s plan that he hates the most.  He will never have a marriage or a family and therefore he seeks to destroy them on earth.  (Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan).    When these troubles come to marriage if we are only giving 50 percent it will not be enough to withstand the adversary’s attacks.  

We must be willing to go through hard times and realize that in a covenant marriage we are bound together and with the Lord.  We cannot give up when times are tough.  Elder Hafen teaches (see link above) that every marriage is tested repeatedly by three kinds of adversity.  

• The first is natural adversity.  This comes in many forms such as illness, accidents, financial struggles, etc.  
• The second is their own imperfections.  This one will test everyone as we are faced with our weaknesses and try to overcome them and be patient with our spouse’s weaknesses.  
• The third challenge is one that I believe is becoming more and more evident in our society and among young people.  It is excessive individualism.  Elder Hafen said that many fear “that the bonds of kinship and marriage are not valuable ties that bind, but are, instead, sheer bondage…. The adversary has long cultivated this overemphasis on personal autonomy, and now he feverishly exploits it. Our deepest God-given instinct is to run to the arms of those who need us and sustain us. But he drives us away from each other today with wedges of distrust and suspicion. He exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone. Some people believe him—and then they wonder why they feel left alone.” 

Marriage is a work of faith.  It requires the Lord to be a part of it.  This is the miracle of covenant marriage.  We not only covenant with our husband or wife but we also covenant with the Lord and are therefore promised great blessing as we keep our covenants.  All too often people are willing to give up on this sacred commitment when times get rough.  Of course there are exceptions when divorce is necessary but all too often the answer to solve the problems in a marriage is selflessness.  As a couple grows closer to the Savior they grow closer to each other.  This is the only way marriage can truly work.

One thing that can truly bless a marriage is having a true understanding of the sacredness and important of the work of the temple.  Pres. Benson (What I Hope You Would Teach Your Children About the Temple) encouraged us to teach our children about the temple so that they will have a desire to seek their priesthood blessings just as Abraham did.  I strongly encourage you to spend some time studying this talk for a greater understanding of the blessings of the temple for yourself and then spend time teaching your children the principles Pres. Benson lays out in his talk.  Nothing will help prepare them for the temple and a covenant marriage more than this.  And nothing will strengthen your own marriage then a greater understanding of the importance of the marriage covenant. 

Other Resources:

Celestial Marriage

The Fullness of the Preisthood

FAML 300 - Week #3 Defender of Marriage

Defenders of Democracy and Marriage:  The voices that have gone “unheard”

 I recently had the privilege of reading the Supreme Court Summary (click here for full summary) of the ruling that legalized same-sex marriage in the United States on June 26, 2015.   I didn’t realize how much I could learn from reading this document.  Let me be very clear on that point, I didn’t learn more about the political, emotional or social view points of the Gay community.  I didn’t experience greater compassion for their plight for all the previous years they were unable to legalize their companionships in all States in the United States of America.  I didn’t find new insight or understanding as to why the definition of marriage really should be changed to include people of the same gender. What I did learn was that first and foremost, the Supreme Court took it upon themselves to redefine marriage.  I learned that because of the law that was changed by the Supreme Court in June of 2015 which legalized same-sex marriage the constitutional rights of Americans were stolen from us.  The rights to debate an issue and vote on an issue and have a voice in the matter (the very definition of democracy) were taken from us by a handful of attorneys (5 to be exact)  and a handful of judges. I learned that because of this decision there will be severe consequences to our society at large, many of which we do not yet realize.  I also learned that the vote in the courtroom was NOT unanimous.    I learned that thankfully, there were a few voices in that court room that day who clearly, boldly and profoundly stated their dissension, their caution and their warning voice to the decision the Supreme Court Majority was about to make.  Unfortunately for us, these few voices have gone largely UNHEARD.   Near the end of the Majority’s opinion it states that the decision to legalize same-sex marriage poses “no risk of harm to themselves or third parties.”  This statement is NOT true and I would like to expose exactly the risk of harm this decision poses to me personally, to you, to our society, to our freedom, and to families and children. I want to focus my remarks on three extremely important points out of many the dissenting judges made that day.   It is my sincere hope that we can add our voices to theirs and be HEARD!

1)      Threatens my Constitutional right to debate an issue and to vote on an issue.  This poses a threat to my personal freedom.  This poses a threat to the trust I can place in my government and in our Judicial system.   This poses a threat to all other issues that might come before the Court at some future point.  Really consider this point for a moment:  If the Supreme Court has the power to decide against the American people on an issue so basic to human experience and so universally recognized as marriage being between a man and a woman which has been the definition and understanding through all ages of recorded history, then what can stop them from overriding our voice in ANY other matter? The real issue in this case is who should decide what constitutes a marriage and that decision should be left up to the States.  For over a decade this country has been debating and voting on this issue in almost every state.  And in almost every state the people have clearly made their voices heard.  They have declared that the definition of marriage is the union of one man and one woman.   Now, “Five lawyers have closed the debate and enacted their own vision of marriage – Stealing this issue from the people, making a dramatic social change that much more difficult to accept.”  The right (legalizing same-sex marriage) the majority announced “has no basis in the constitution or the Supreme Court’s precedent.   Courts are not to be concerned with wisdom or policy of legislation but the majority of the court neglects that restrained conception of the judicial role as they proceeded with a vote to legalize same-sex marriage.”  Dissenting Judge Roberts explains,  “It seizes for itself a question the Constitution leaves up to the people at a time when the people are engaged in a vibrant debate on that question and it answers that question based not on neutral principles of constitutional law, but its own “understanding of what freedom is and must become.”  Judge Roberts further explains that “the Court is not legislature.  Judges have power to say what the law is not what is should be.”  The majority’s decision to legalize same-sex marriage was an act of will not legal judgement.  Furthermore, there has not been sufficient discourse, nor has there even been made the case for constitutionalizing the definition of marriage and for removing the issue from the place it has been since the founding; in the hands of State voters.” 

“When fixed rules which govern the interpretation of laws are abandoned and the theoretical opinions of individuals are allowed to control the Constitution’s meaning we have no longer a Constitution; we are under the government of individual men, who for the time being have power to declare what the Constitution is according to their own views of what it ought to mean.”

**Something else worth noting:  Those of us who are firm in our belief that marriage is and always will be  between a man and a woman are not the only ones who have been harmed in this process.  Judge Roberts emphatically points out that,  “Indeed, however heartened the proponents of same-sex marriage might be on this day, it is worth acknowledging what they have lost, and lost forever: the opportunity to win the true acceptance that comes from persuading their fellow citizens of the justice of their cause.”  They too have lost their freedom to true democracy.  The people have been forced to accept this law not because it has been proven just, or right or good for humanity but because it has been forced upon us.

2)      Threatens our Religious Freedom:   The Courts decision to legalize same-sex marriage “raises serious questions about religious liberty. Many good and decent people oppose same-sex marriage as a tenet of faith, and their freedom to exercise religion is—unlike the right imagined by the majority— actually spelled out in the Constitution.  Respect for sincere religious conviction has led voters and legislators in every State that has adopted same-sex marriage democratically to include accommodations for religious practice. The majority’s decision imposing same-sex marriage cannot, of course, create any such accommodations. The majority graciously suggests that religious believers may continue to “advocate” and “teach” their views of marriage.  The First Amendment guarantees, however, the freedom to “exercise” religion. Ominously, that is not a word the majority uses.”  This right to exercise our religious beliefs in now seriously threatened.  Hard questions, no doubt will “arise when people of faith exercise religion in ways that may be seen to conflict with the new right to same-sex marriage—when, for example, a religious college provides married student housing only to opposite-sex married couples, or a religious adoption agency declines to place children with same-sex married couples. Indeed, the Solicitor General candidly acknowledged that the tax exemptions of some religious institutions would be in question if they opposed same-sex marriage.”   These are just a few examples of the countless threats to our religious freedom. This is already happening all over the U.S.  Just look at the News headlines! It is up to us to protect and defend this particular and most important right both as defenders of marriage and disciples of Jesus Christ.

3)      Threatens the well-being of children which in turns threatens society as a whole:  With one decision limited to a few paragraphs of text, the Supreme Court “invalidates the marriage laws of more than half the states and orders the transformation of a social institution that has formed the basis of human society for millennia.” Judge Roberts so fittingly, then asks, “Just who do we think we are?”  Then further cautions, “I would not sweep away what has long been settled without showing greater respect for all that preceded us.  For all those millennia marriage referred to only one relationship – the union of a man and a woman.  Marriage between a man and a woman no doubt had been thought of by most people as essential to the very definition of that term and to its role and function throughout the history of civilization.”  Let me focus for a moment on the role and function of marriage.  What is the role and function of marriage?  “This universal definition of marriage as the union of a man and a woman is no historical coincidence – marriage did not come about as a result of a political movement, discovery, disease, war, religious doctrine or any other moving force of world history and certainly not as a result of a prehistoric decision to exclude gays and lesbians.  It arose in the nature of things to meet a vital need:  ensuring that children are conceived by a mother and father committed to raising them in the stable conditions of a life-long relationship.”  We know through social science research and through decades of observed patterns and statistics that “a child’s prospects are generally better if the mother and father stay together.  Therefore, for the good of children and society sexual relations that can lead to procreation should occur between a man and woman committed to a lasting bond.  That bond is marriage.”  Although gays and lesbians feel they have been discriminated against and that there is great injustice in the fact that they have been “left out” of the benefits of marriage, these benefits of marriage have been put in place for decades as an effort to encourage the union of a men and women in order to protect children and society.  “By bestowing a respected status and material benefits on married couples – society encourages men and women to conduct sexual relations within marriage rather than without.  Marriage is a socially arranged solution for the problem of getting people to stay together and care for children.”  Now that marriage has been redefined to include same-sex couples we lose this most important component of the benefits and respect of marriage.  It is no longer about what is good for children and society.  It is the very law of nature that procreation can only occur between a man and a woman.  Children that stem from that procreative union can only have the right and the full benefits of having a mother and father if they are married and stay married.  Marriage of two people of the same-sex serves no other purpose but to publicly sanction their “love.”  There is no benefit to children, no benefit for future families and no benefit to society.  The encouragement of marriage between persons of the same-sex does not provide a future posterity or even survival of the human race nor does it provide an environment conducive to meeting the needs of children. 

I feel like it is vitally important for us to understand what implications this means for us as citizens of the United States and as disciples of Jesus Christ.  It well worth the time it takes and I urge you to read over this document and decide for yourself what this means for you and your families.   Those of us who believe in traditional marriage and the right we have to make our voices heard must take a stand.  Not because we hate anyone.  Not because we are bigots or racist or discriminating.  Because we believe in the true doctrine of marriage.  We know that marriage is central to the great Plan of Happiness laid out by our Father in Heaven.   We know that marriage between a man and a woman provides the best and ideal setting for children.  We know that children have needs that only a father can meet.  We know that children have needs that only a mother can meet.  Because we believe in the freedoms granted us by the Constitution of the United States of America.  That is why our voices must be heard.

Please read and watch the following links:

Supreme Court Summary Legalizing Same Sex Marriage

Cathy Ruse remarks- World Congress of Families

Elder Russel M. Nelson - Disciples of Jesus Christ; Defenders of Marriage
the religious freedom implications of the Supreme Court’s decision on same-sex marriage in Obergefell V. Hodges.

FAML 300 Week# 2 - DIVORCE

WHY DOES MARRIAGE MATTER?

We as members of Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and the Leaders of our church strongly advocate for families and marriage.  We "solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creators plan for the eternal destiny of his children." (The Family Proclamation)  What is interesting is that the Proclamation on families was written more than 20 years ago before the trends on marriage and laws regarding redefining marriage and families were even being considered or realized.  We now see trends and patterns in marriage that are developing that are having lasting and even devastating consequences for our society and especially for children, even the rising generation.  What are some of these trends?  Increase in the divorce rate, increase in cohabitating individuals, increase in births to unwed mothers, etc.  How do these trends affect children?  Paul Amato conducted a study which compared children living with only one biological parent and those living continuously with both biological parents.  His findings report that children living continuously with both biological parents were "less likely to experience a wide range of cognitive, emotional, and social problems, not only during childhood but also into adulthood." (Amato, 2005).

DIVORCE:  For example, children who experience parental divorce are prone to a variety of academic, behavioral, and emotional problems."  In this particular study of 60 divorced families, five years after the divorce more than one third of the group were "clinically depressed, doing poorly in school, had difficulty maintaining friendships, expressed chronic problems such as sleep disturbance, and continued to hope that their parents would reconcile."  Another side effect of divorce Amato found was "children in divorced families tend to have weaker emotional bonds with mothers and fathers than do their peers in two-parent families." (Amato, 2005)

CHILDREN BORN OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE: Children born outside of marriage when compared with children who grow up in stable, two-parent families "reach adulthood with less education, earn less income, have lower occupational status and are more likely to be idle (not employed and not in school), are more likely to have nonmarital birth, have more troubled marriages, experience higher rates of divorce, and report more symptoms of depression." (Amato, 2005)

COHABITATING PARENTING: In another study, Susan L. Brown found that "children living with cohabitating biological parents, compared with children living with continuously married parents, had more behavioral problems, more emotional problems, and lower levels of school engagement.  Unmarried cohabitating parents compared with married parents had fewer years of education, earned less income, had lower levels of psychological well-being, and reported more stress in parenting.  The risk of relationship dissolution is also substantially higher for cohabitating couples with children than for married couples with children." (Amato, 2005)

These trends and findings are alarming for children and for future generations.  Of course these are only a few examples of the significant difference between married and unmarried parenting.  We can certainly conclude that marriage matters for children.  The commitment and stability that come in a marriage can not compare with that of any other relationship or circumstance.  Of course marriage is not always perfect and there are many ups and downs in a marital relationship but God has made it very clear (and now we understand a bit more why) that children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." (The Family Proclamation) It requires our greatest effort and care to protect and defend our own marriages and that of others.
Elder David A. Bednar said this: "Lucifer relentlessly assails and distorts the doctrines that matter most to us individually, to our families and to the world.  Where is the adversary focusing his most direct and diabolical attacks?  Satan works unremittingly to confuse understanding about gender, to promote the premature and unrighteous use of procreative power, and to hinder righteous marriage precisely because marriage is ordained of God and the family is central to the plan of happiness.  The adversary's attacks upon eternal marriage will continue to increase in intensity, frequency, and sophistication.
The Father's plan is designed to provide direction for His children, to help them become happy, and to bring them safely home to Him.  Lucifer's attacks on the plan are intended to make the sons and daughters of God confused and unhappy and to halt their eternal progression.  The overarching intent of the father of lies is that all of us would become "miserable like unto himself" (2Nephi 2:27), and he works to warp the elements of the Father's plan he hates the most.  Satan does not have a body, he cannot marry, and he will not have a family.  And he persistently strives to confuse the divinely appointed purposes of gender, marriage, and family.  Throughout the world, we see growing evidence of the effectiveness of Satan's efforts.
Given what we know about our enemy's intent, each of should be especially vigilant in seeking personal inspiration as to how we can protect and safeguard our own marriages - and how we can learn and teach correct principles in the home and in our Church assignments about the eternal significance of gender and or the role of marriage in the Father's plan." (Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan - Elder David A. Bednar)



FHE Ideas:
Song: Families Can Be Together Forever
Quote; "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." (The Family Proclamation).
Ideas for Discussion:
Discuss with your children what this statement means from the Proclamation.  Why does marriage matter for children?  Discuss some of the above research findings and some problems that children face as they experience divorce.  Read and discuss Elder's Oaks talk on Divorce (Divorce).  Discuss ways in which children can prepare for marriage in the future and safeguard their marriages.  Discuss ways children can contribute to strengthening their parents marriage (support date nights by being willing to babysit, help out with chores around the house, encourage family prayer and scripture study, etc.)  Discuss ways parents can work to strengthen their own marriage.  Discuss the reality of Satan and his tactics he uses to destroy families. Read and discuss the above quote from Elder Bednar.

Families are Forever

(In order to watch the youtube videos, click on the speaker icon at the bottom left corner of the prezi to mute the background music)

Families are Forever (Full Screen View)

For a full screen view of the Families Are Forever prezi please click HERE

Understanding Same Sex Attraction
**Please Note:** This article and the links that follow will take a large amount of  your time to look over but it is well worth it and necessary to be more informed on this important topic.  Please share this with others and I would love your feedback!

In lieu of recent events that have taken place in our Federal Courts of Law... This topic is one that I believe is worth discussing and understanding.  There is much debate and struggle over this issue even among members of the Church.  Many are being deceived by what society, the media and our law makers are telling them.  Statements like "redefining marriage" and being "born that way" are among the most significant and important issues to really understand because these are the issues that have the greatest impact on our society and on the doctrine of the family.  If we believe that it is necessary and morally right to redefine marriage to include marriage between two people of the same gender than we are essentially seeking to reestablish God's eternal doctrine on the family according to ancient and modern day revelation.  "Marriage between a man and woman is ordained of God" and "God has commanded that the powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife."  (The Family Proclamation).  We cannot makes these changes in the laws or our land and not expect to have some very serious consequences on our nation and on the world. "We...warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets." (The Family Proclamation)
If we believe that people are "born" with same gender attraction then we lose the ability and desire to seek light, truth and healing through the Atonement of Jesus Christ regarding this difficult and sensitive issue.  We know that "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal and eternal identity." We also know that men and women were commanded to "multiply and replenish the earth" and that is only possible with a man and a woman. It is so important for us as a society and as disciples of Jesus Christ to seek truth in this matter and the more knowledge and understanding we can gain the more we can help those who struggle with same sex attraction to reach their fullest potential.  We can't just assume that our government leaders and lawmakers are correct and the research they use to support their decisions is correct.  We must act for ourselves and seek light and truth.  Please take the time to read over the below research and discussions/videos on these important topics.
The assertion that was made based on a brief prepared and presented to the courts by the American Psychological Association first in March 2013 and then again this last year states "Not a single study has found children of lesbian or gay parents to be disadvantaged in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents." (APA Brief, 2005,p. 15)  This brief has been used widely to change state and family law and was just currently presented to the Supreme Court to change federal law.  What is so very intriguing and also very sad is that there was also another brief presented to the court which examines the validity of the APA brief... and has found that the research used in the APA brief was far from being sound and did in fact have some very serious and large flaws.  This brief is not so widely used (not surprising) and not so well known and talked about in the media. Please take the time to review this....check out the highlighted parts... you will be amazed at the lack of good judgement and sound research that was used by the Supreme Court (Law making professionals) to make perhaps the most important decision in the history of our nation concerning the definition of marriage.  They made the wrong decision.
 Brief by Dr. Loren Marks

Keeping in mind all of the flaws contained in that research and the above assertion that was made by the APA based on seriously flawed research about children of homosexual parents... please take some time to review the New Family Structure Study (NFSS)... a comparative social science project led by Dr. Mark Regnerus of the Population Research Center at the University of Texas at Austin .  This is an amazing study and has been conducted using large random samples, control groups, and over the course of many years following children into adulthood.  There are some extremely helpful interactive tools on this website that make it really fast and easy to see the results they have found in their research.

This is a video:  Understanding Same Sex Attraction that takes a look at a professional counseling center's approach and beliefs about same sex attraction and how one can truly be helped to overcome this struggle if so desired.  (Currently there is a movement to change laws regarding and eradicate "reparative therapy or conversion therapy" which is therapy provided to individuals who struggle with same sex attraction and desire to change.  If this movement continues... which it most certainly will... think of the effect that will have on thousands of individuals who truly desire help and healing in their lives.)

This is a discussion between two Marriage and Family Therapists that sheds new light on the topic and introduces some of the research articles listed below...
http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?
StartCue=0&EndCue=1420&VideoName=Same%20sex%20attraching&VideoType=lectures

The articles below are written by social psychologist Daryl J. Bem, Ph.D (Who actually identifies himself as Gay) and were published by the American Psychological Association. It is worth noting that Dr. Bem was NOT motivated by political agenda or any other agenda other than finding the truth.  Dr. Bem has formulated a theory based on this research showing that individuals are not "born gay" but rather through a process of socialization and often mis-treatments and other factors some individuals who are born with specific traits and personalities often begin to eroticize and sexualize the same gender during adolescence.  The amount of research, evidence and findings is compelling and well worth the time it takes to read over.
Exotic Becomes Erotic: A Developmental Theory of Sexual Orientation

Exotic Becomes Erotic: Explaining the Enigma of Sexual Orientation

Exotic Becomes Erotic: Interpreting the Biological Correlates of Sexual Orientation

These next articles are written by Dr. Dean Byrd who asserts some of the same research, information and theories of Darryl Bem but also adds his own research and findings.
Born That Way - Facts and Fiction about Homosexuality

Same Sex Attraction - Science, Research and Therapy

Great resource websites for anyone seeking help with and understanding of unwanted same sex attraction:
Love One Another: A Discussion on Same-Sex Attraction

http://www.josephnicolosi.com/what-is-reparative-therapy-exa/

FHE Ideas:
With the guidance of the spirit, discuss with your families age appropriate concepts and thoughts and feelings about this sensitive and important topic and share any information from the above resources that you may feel prompted to share.
Read over the The Family: A Proclamation to the World and the Instruction Given to the Church Leaders and Members regarding Same Sex Marriage  and discuss the important doctrine of the family.  Also discuss how we should treat others with this struggle with love, kindness and respect just as Christ would treat them.  Help your family to understand that we can offer our help and support to those who desire to change.