What is the difference between a covenant and a contract
marriage?
Most of the world views marriage as a contract. Contracts are easily broken and are entered
into with the purpose of fulfilling the needs of the individuals. If those are not met one or both parties feel
they are justified in ending the contract.
We see the rise in divorce rates as evidence of this “contract”
commitment in the world today. When we
are married in the temple and enter into a covenant marriage we see marriage as
something much more than a contract.
Elder Bruce C. Hafen in his “Covenant Marriage” address (click here to read) taught that “when troubles come to a covenant
marriage the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to
grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract
companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100
percent.” As we have been taught by
Elder Bednar, (click the adversary has specific intentions to destroy marriages and
families. He attacks the parts of the
Father’s plan that he hates the most. He
will never have a marriage or a family and therefore he seeks to destroy them
on earth. (Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan). When these troubles come to marriage if we
are only giving 50 percent it will not be enough to withstand the adversary’s
attacks.
We must be willing to go
through hard times and realize that in a covenant marriage we are bound together
and with the Lord. We cannot give up
when times are tough. Elder Hafen
teaches (see link above) that every marriage is tested repeatedly by three kinds of adversity.
- The first is natural adversity. This comes in many forms such as illness, accidents, financial struggles, etc.
- The second is their own imperfections. This one will test everyone as we are faced with our weaknesses and try to overcome them and be patient with our spouse’s weaknesses.
- The third challenge is one that I believe is becoming more and more evident in our society and among young people. It is excessive individualism. Elder Hafen said that many fear “that the bonds of kinship and marriage are not valuable ties that bind, but are, instead, sheer bondage…. The adversary has long cultivated this overemphasis on personal autonomy, and now he feverishly exploits it. Our deepest God-given instinct is to run to the arms of those who need us and sustain us. But he drives us away from each other today with wedges of distrust and suspicion. He exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone. Some people believe him—and then they wonder why they feel left alone.”
Marriage is a work of faith. It requires the Lord to be a part of it. This is the miracle of covenant marriage. We not only covenant with our husband or wife but we also covenant with the Lord and are therefore promised great blessing as we keep our covenants. All too often people are willing to give up on this sacred commitment when times get rough. Of course there are exceptions when divorce is necessary but all too often the answer to solve the problems in a marriage is selflessness. As a couple grows closer to the Savior they grow closer to each other. This is the only way marriage can truly work.
One thing that can truly bless a marriage is having a true understanding of the sacredness and important of the work of the temple. Pres. Benson (What I Hope You Would Teach Your Children About the Temple) encouraged us to teach our children about the temple so that they will have a desire to seek their priesthood blessings just as Abraham did. I strongly encourage you to spend some time studying this talk for a greater understanding of the blessings of the temple for yourself and then spend time teaching your children the principles Pres. Benson lays out in his talk. Nothing will help prepare them for the temple and a covenant marriage more than this. And nothing will strengthen your own marriage then a greater understanding of the importance of the marriage covenant.
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