Preparing for Marriage

It is so important in today's world to teach our children how to prepare for marriage.  Because we know that marriage is so important and families are the foundation of our society and "central to the creators plan" then there is no greater work or decision we make than that of who we will marry.  "Since 1950, the median age at first marriage in the U.S. has increased and is currently at a historic high of 26 years for women and 28 years for men."  This pattern of delayed marriage is affecting the characteristics of the current dating and courtship culture.  "As a result of these changes, a number of pitfalls exist in our current and dating culture including (a) a growing pessimism about marriage and a focus on personal independence before and after marriage, (b) a primary focus on personal financial independence for both men and women, (c) widespread sexual permissiveness, and (d) high rates of couples living together before marriage. (Hawkins, p.4).   In order for our young people to avoid these pitfalls and truly be prepared for marriage there are several approaches and resources we can help them use.  Elder Bednar said  "...You are not on a shopping spree looking for the greatest value with a series of characteristics.  You become what you hope your spouse will be and you'll have a greater likelihood of finding that person.  Perhaps the best way to help way is to guide our young people in becoming something more than the world offers them.  Helping them become true disciples of Jesus Christ with a true testimony of His divine mission and Atoning sacrifice.  This will prepare them for marriage more than anything else.  Elder Holland said, "Do you want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus.  Be a genuine, committed, word and deed Latter-day Saint.  Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does.  You separate dating from discipleship at your peril." This will help them to have the ability to love and the ability to communicate.  These two important skills will help them succeed in their dating relationships and in their marriages.  In order to help young people understand the difference between just hanging out (which is a very common practice among young adults today) and actual dating and courtship, Elder Dallin H. Oaks says that in order for an activity to be considered a date it must included the following guidelines: 1. Planned, 2. Paid for and 3. Paired off.  Interestingly enough these 3 guidelines align perfectly with the three responsibilities of males according to the Proclamation which are to: Preside, Provide and Protect.  Dating is an important time in which young men and women get to practice and prepare to fill their divine roles and responsibilities.  And if this important step is not taken and replaced with "hanging out" or cohabitation where there is no real commitment then their marriage relationships will be very difficult or non existent.

FHE Ideas:
Read the following talks from leaders of the Church and discuss some of the important points and guidelines with your family:
Elder Dallin H. Oaks talk https://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/06/dating-versus-hanging-out?lang=eng
Elder Lance Wickman https://www.lds.org/ensign/2010/04/confidence-tests-from-fear-to-faith-in-the-marriage-decision?lang=eng
Dating advice from prophets and apostles: https://www.lds.org/new-era/2010/04/dating-advice-from-prophets-and-apostles?lang=eng