Understanding Family Dynamics and Abuse
"Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness"

It is crucial to the happiness in family life to explore and be aware of the family dynamics.  Family Systems theory asserts that intimate groups must be analyzed as a whole because the "whole is greater then the sum of all parts."   In other words if we want to understand families and their effectiveness or non- effectiveness in the lives of individuals and to society we must look at the family as a whole and the interactions, relationships and involvement with one another.  We cannot just study one individual of a family in order to understand a whole family.  There are many basic assumptions made in Family Systems Theory that help us to understand our family dynamics.  Some of these include, family rules, family types, family roles and family cohesion.  Family rules are repetitive patterns of interaction that a family lives by (ie. "dad always controls the remote" or "never wake up mom when she is taking a nap")  These rules are generally unspoken but known by all and reinforced by either positive or negative feedback.
There are several different Family types and this is based on the rigidity of family boundaries.  "Open families have healthy boundaries and are respectful of each other in most cases.  "Random families" have no boundaries, and are disengaged from each other.   "Closed families" are enmeshed or overly involved in each others lives. They value privacy or even secretiveness.  Most families fall somewhere on this continuum between "open and closed"
Family roles -- all family members take on roles that help the family to function.  All families function whether negatively or positively but each member plays an important role in the family to help with its functioning.  These roles are also unspoken and are formed based on the principle of feedback loops and redundancy.  If certain family members try to move out of their role their is often some sort of shift in balance and other family members do what they can to make certain that person assumes his or her role again.  Some roles include, the hero (responsible and successful), the delinquent (black sheep), invisible child (keeps a very low profile, doesn't get into trouble), clown (uses humor in dealing with family problems).
Family cohesion refers to the degree of closeness or emotional bonding and flexibility or adaptability to new/stressful situations.  This can range anywhere from rigid to chaotic.
Abuse is another important topic to understand and be aware of because I believe it is often misunderstood and occurs far more frequently in our families than we may acknowledge or realize.  "Abuse consists of actions or attitudes that are intended to hurt or control.  It can include many different types of behaviors, from subtle verbal criticisms to the severest form of physical or sexual violence." (Hawkins, p250)  Children learn from the adults in their lives how to feel about themselves.  We as parents have only a short time to give our children a sense of self worth.  Emotional and verbal abuse may be the most common form of abuse.  It is a "repeated pattern of demeaning, devaluing and conveying to a person that he or she is unlovable, worthless or unwanted.
Other forms of abuse include sexual abuse, physical abuse, intimate partner violence, etc. Often abuse affects individuals for a lifetime and have an impact on a person's well being during adolescence and adulthood.  Some of these affects include "emotional problems, intellectual deficits, shame and guilt, and insecure attachment" (Hawkins, p 255).  The topic of abuse is far too broad to cover in depth so I hope that this material initiates some awareness and motivates the reader to further understand and a greater commitment to recognize, prevent and alleviate maltreatment of all types.

FHE Ideas:
Song:  Love At Home
Sripture: Doctrine and Covenants 109:8
Read the Proclamation: "Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteous"
Facilitate a family discussion on the family rules and allow children to share what they believe are some of the family rules. Make sure they are free to be honest and you might be surprised to learn what they are aware of.  List the rules on a board or piece of paper and reflect on which ones might be positive and which ones might be negative and in need of some adjustments.  Let your children express freely any feelings of mistreatment they may have experienced.  Listen and validate their feelings and commit to changing any behaviors or patterns that may not be inviting the spirit into your home.  This activity itself will help to facilitate family cohesion and unity.
For younger children it might be fun to have them act out some of the "family rules"